Diet Day 2

Should be sleeping since I'm on call tomorrow... diet day 2 was better than day one. Did eggs for bfast, salad lunch, stir fry dinner. Snacked on bacon, egg salad, beef jerkey and bell peppers. I miss carbs though :( Normally I would be snacking on salty carbs to comfort myself while I think about wards starting. Yummy salty french fries... aigh I can only dream about you for now.

Diet Day 1

Today I started the DIET. For weeks I have been thinking about it, trying to cut back, overeating then feeling guilty and mad at myself, not eating and being starved half to death... its been a vicious cycle. I've been obsessing about it but not really accomplishing anything. If that makes sense. So, last night at dinner, my mother-in-law, Cathy and I decided we were going to do it. The four letter word-- DIET.

I know it's best to adopt a healthy lifestyle versus dieting, but we needed to jumpstart the situation. So I'm going low to no carb for the next 2 weeks. I have never been able to diet or workout without a partner doing it with me, so I'm glad Cathy is willing.

It has been so hard, already. For breakfast I had eggs and sausage. For lunch I had a salad. All I have thought about all day is food. I'm so frustrated already and don't know if I can keep going. Also, I feel like there is no way it is going to work. But, I have to try. If I do lose this weight, I know how happy I will be and that is what's keeping me going for now. Only 324 more hours to go.

Has anyone else ever dieted? For those who love and live for food, you can appreciate how hard it is I'm sure! I'll keep you posted!

The best and worst month

October is rapidly approaching, fortunately and unfortunately. I start my first month of wards in October, which means I'll be working in the hospital, 80+ hours a week, sometimes 30 hours at a time. Actually, my first day of work I'm on call, so I will get there super early in the morning and work all day and night, then get home around 1pm the next day. I went back to work after a few weeks postpartum, but that was to an elective which was pretty easy hours. The start of October is going to feel more like returning to work and I'm worried about the fatigue, keeping up pumping, and mostly, being away from my baby that long. I would appreciate your prayers for this tough transition!

October is my favorite month, though! I love fall and it's my birthday month and Wes'. The weather is great, the leaves are changing, and fall clothes are the bomb. I went shopping the other day to get said fall clothes because I'm still carrying about 10 pesky extra pounds and I just can't keep wearing my maternity pants. They are saggy in the behind and the belly part won't stay up! I'm one size up from my original.

I went to Haywood, alone, and went to town. I was seriously sweating, running around because it was 3pm on a Sunday, and the mall closed at 6. I decided on the way there what I would need and made a plan. Basics. Something I can wear to work/church/meetings at the same time. I also made a plan for shoes bc the feet are still too big. My friend Laura recommended croc flats-- comfortable, cheap, and acceptable in the hospital setting as normal shoes. AND they come in 11! Belk was having a huge sale and I took so many clothes to the dressing room that I couldn't see above them.

I wanted to embrace my new body and stop putting myself down about it. I have a beautiful 8 week old and if that means carrying extra weight, its worth it you know? The new me is a lot curvier and my stomach is still flabby. But I found some sheath dresses that are good, and best of all, JEGGINGS. They look like skinny jeans but they are flattering (I think).

So, I'm ready, but not ready at the same time, to start wards. At least I will look the part!

To update you- the domperidone did help! We are still trucking along.

Memphis

Lately, at the hospital, I've been asked, "where are you going for radiology?" And when I answer Memphis, I've gotten the same response every single time: "oh, are you from Memphis?" Do I have to be from Memphis to want to do residency there?

It's getting on my nerves for several reasons. Memphis is far away and it's a strange city with a high crime rate that I'm taking my baby to, away from her loving grandparents and our friends. I only know a couple of people there and I've never spent more than a few hours outside of the hospital. YES, that is all very intimidating. I don't need to be reminded of that every time someone asks me about my residency, and I know that's what they are thinking when they ask me if I'm from there. Also, most people have never even been to Memphis and they are going by what they have heard. They don't stop to ask me what hospital, what section of Memphis, or WHY I chose that program. They may even assume that it was not my first choice of residencies.

If they did ask me Why, here is the answer. I didn't want to interview there, because I, too, thought it would be a terrible place to live. I interviewed there because they were the first program who offered me an interview and I bought the plane ticket immediately. After a few hours into the interview, I was 90% sure that this was the program for me. I loved the people and the area very much. I truly felt God was telling me "this is it." I even called Wes while I was on a break and said "I love it! What do you think about moving to Memphis?" He said, "Sure!" I kept in touch with some residents, flew up there for a second look a few months later, and I just knew. And btw, its in a beautiful section of Memphis.

There are days when I still doubt my decision, mainly because I'm terrified to be so far away from our family and friends. What if something happens? We can't just get in our car and drive home. And, everyone is going to miss Annabel so much. Who will help us up there? I've lost more than a few hours of sleep worrying about it. But you know what? God is so good. He called me to this place and this program. He loves me enough to have a plan for my life that is bigger and better than anything I could plan. Early on, I was sure I would end up at UNC... it made so much sense, was so close to Spartanburg. But Memphis is where we belong. I don't know why yet, but I'm excited to find out. I hope you will be excited with me.

Dom do dom dom

According to usps tracking, my domperidone has arrived in New York, all the way from Vanuatu. If you don't know where Vanuatu is, don't worry, I didn't either. It's an island nation west of Fiji. I wikipedia'd it and learned all about the culture, religion, climate, etc. I knew I would feel better taking medicine from a country once I learned more about it. And I do. After all, 1/3 of the country is Presbyterian.

I'm too excited about it getting here, because hopefully it will help me be able to store all kinds of milk for Annabel in case I can't keep up pumping once I start working wards in October. At least once a day, I think "I can't do this anymore" so yesterday I found this article about 100 reasons to breastfeed and it kept me going another day.

Tonight is the Va Tech/ Boise State game. We are so excited to get to see Andrew, Wes' brother, play! GO HOKIES!

Annabel is doing great. 6 weeks old almost! She has started reaching for her toys and focusing her eyes on your face when you are talking to her. She definitely loves her daddy! When he walks into a room and starts talking, she turns her head all around to find him. And I love that.